Christmas reflections, and how I learned to embrace my spirituality by living here

Christmas had lost a lot of it's meaning to me in the last years. I hate to admit that, because I always loved the decorating, the Christmas tree, and all the good cheer. I lost the meaning of the season because my life  was disintegrating around me. When I would see all my neighbor's in the USA putting up decorations after Thanksgiving, I would think "oh no, I have to start decorating, it is so much work" instead of, "I can't wait to
see my house in all it's Christmas glory"! I had secretly felt this way for a very long time. How could I have felt like Christmas was an obligation I had to fulfill? I know, terrible right? I did not even get a decoration out last year, I could not bear it, this would be the first Christmas since my daughter's death. I was relieved to have a reason not to decorate, because I was leaving on my trip to Colombia! No one I knew would question my motives, as I was going to be out of town. Truth be known, I could not think about looking at my many Christmas items, with all the memories attached to them. I had lost my spirituality, my traditions, all that the season meant.

Arriving in Colombia on Christmas day had such an impact on me. My inner self exploded with excitement the minute I arrived in Colombia and took a taxi through Bogota on the way to the place I was staying. All around were lights, festive music played loudly emanating through the streets. Lots of people out, even though it was late. I was swept off my feet in less than 20 minutes. Colombia had brought back Christmas to
me! I went to sleep Christmas night reliving the ride from the airport and the sights I had seen of beautiful holiday cheer and wonderful sounds. I felt alive for the first time in years. I fell asleep knowing that the next day would bring more of the same.

Waking to a beautiful day, off we went to a church on a mountain in Bogota. We had to take a cable car up to the Church of Monseratte built high on a mountain that overlooks Bogota. What an experience! The church is white and not really fancy on the outside. The inside is special, with ornate religious rooms built off to the sides of the main church, and Jesus is black, one of only a few in the world. I was overwhelmed, and had to go outside and sit for awhile, tears flowed freely. I felt spiritually and emotionally drained after this excursion. The true meaning of Christmas had flowed right into my body that day in that church. This was the beginning of a wonderful vacation, influencing me enough to get my strength and vitality back, to go home and start my plan to move to this wonderful country!

Now a year later, I am living in Colombia during this festive and religious time of year. I have simple decorations put out, which I relish. My home is simple, my past decorations (the few I brought over) still
packed in a box. I bought inexpensive lights, bulbs for my tree, and holiday ribbon to adorn my home. It is
what I wanted for this year. I know that looking at past memories will bring heartache, thoughts that might take away from my new beginning here in Colombia.

Colombian traditions are different and more religious than those of the United States. Christmas is the season of the Church, primarily Catholic in this country. I was raised Catholic so I can relate to everything. Nativity's adorn business showrooms, homes, restaurants, front lawns, every home. They are built in large or small and hold the same theme of a village, with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph the center of the theme. They are delightful! I love seeing a new nativity, and the differences in all. I love how the season starts in November and does not end until sometime in January. I remember hounding my ex husband to take the lights down the day after January 1st, and how I disliked the work involved in packing up everything. I see it differently here, I relish enjoying every second of the festivals, Christmas Day, New Years Day, and the fiesta's that will continue on in the celebration of the three Kings.

All I have accomplished in this year can be summed up with the Blessings of the season of Christmas. This is a spiritual awakening for me, a fresh beginning. My heart is filled with the joy of the season, my love of life once again. The only thing I have desired for so long has been attained, inside I am free of pain, the sadness is there, but the peace is also there. I wish all of you who take the time to read this, a loving holiday no matter what your views, religion, or feelings. It is a time for reflection for us all, one that had lost meaning for me. My true present is to have found Colombia, and healing .